


[Podfic & Fic] The Perfect Date

by Djapchan, ExMarks



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dating, Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28959849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan/pseuds/Djapchan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExMarks/pseuds/ExMarks
Summary: Crowley has planned something special for his official Third Date with Aziraphale and the Bentley gets to play a little with a few humans.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 4
Collections: Good Omens Podfics





	[Podfic & Fic] The Perfect Date

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to [Literarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion) for beta reading and [TheLordOfLaMancha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLordOfLaMancha/pseuds/TheLordOfLaMancha) for the cover art! 💚

****

**Listen** to the podfic on [anchor](https://anchor.fm/djap/episodes/Multivoice-Podfic-A-Perfect-Date-by-Djap-epdamv)  
**Listen to or Download** this chapter on [Google](https://drive.google.com/file/d/108W4cRHZo9EAtEFqaURqawpt8p2YNNv1/view?usp=sharing)  
**Download** this chapter via [mediafire](https://www.mediafire.com/file/azcqzp5av0k1lfo/GO_The_Perfect_Date.mp3/file)

...

**Voice Actors:**

[Djapchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan) as Crowley  
[ExMarks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExMarks/pseuds/ExMarks) as Aziraphale

...

...

A Perfect Date

>Doorbell sound<

Crowley  
Come in, angel. Oh, you look sexy. Can't believe you put on a new shirt just for tonight.

Aziraphale  
You invited me over for our official third date and dressing up for such an occasion is more than appropriate, don't you think?

Crowley  
But an actual white shirt instead of the usual baby blue? Haven't seen you in one of those for decades!

Aziraphale  
Stop teasing me, Crowley. Here, better take the Chardonnay – I assume we'll be out for dinner?

Crowley  
Nope. Gonna stay here, angel. I have something special planned for tonight.

Aziraphale (hesitant)  
...you agreed we'd take it slow now that we have all the time in the world to...

Crowley  
Although the blush looks nice on you, that's not actually what I meant, so stop fretting, angel. If such a dirty thing comes to your mind first, I do wonder though which of the two of us is truly the dirty minded one.

Aziraphale  
Crowley!

Crowley:  
Alright, alright. I'll stop teasing now. Maybe... or not.

Aziraphale  
...

Crowley  
Come on over to the living room, angel.

Aziraphale  
Oh, what happened here? Why did you move your sofa right in front of the window?

Crowley  
For the view, obviously.

Aziraphale  
Oh, you want us to watch the sunset? How romantic, darling!

Crowley  
Ngk! Uhm… no. That's not... wait. Do you want to watch the sunset with me? I mean, technically we could... just need to miracle the flat to face the other way... I guess it's doable... if that's something you want? ... Of course you want. Sure, yeah, let's watch the sunset, gimme a sec...

Aziraphale  
My dear, please stop fretting. I'm sure we can watch the sunset another time. It happens every day after all, doesn't it?

Crowley  
You sure? I mean we totally could...

Aziraphale  
Crowley. Relax. See, that is why we agreed to take it slow. Because we're both so dreadfully nervous about all of this.

Crowley.  
'M not nervous. Thought it was something you wanted to do. Is all.

Aziraphale  
Of course my dear. Why don't you tell me what you actually planned for tonight?

Crowley  
Come on over and tell me what you see, angel.

Aziraphale  
I see... the street below?

Crowley  
And on it?

Aziraphale  
...cars in a parking lot?

Crowley  
Exactly.

Aziraphale  
I'm afraid, I'm not following.

Crowley  
The Bentley is parked down there.

Aziraphale  
...

Crowley  
Come on angel, use those fancy brain cells of yours.

Aziraphale  
...

Crowley  
She's going to have fun tonight and I thought we might watch the show.

Aziraphale  
Did you hit your head somewhere, dear? Was there an accident that I should know of?

Crowley  
I'm feeling perfectly fine today. One could say tickety boo even.

Aziraphale  
How many eyes do I have?

Crowley  
Very funny. Depends on the plane of existence we're talking about. Now don't be daft, angel. I'm a demon, right? I happen to know that three humans got it in their heads to try and steal the Bentley tonight and I thought it might be fun to watch the show together.

Aziraphale  
Show? Crowley, I hope you are not planning to hurt...

Crowley  
Now don't be ridiculous, angel. As if the Bentley needed my help to protect herself from some idiot car thieves. She's got style. Do you honestly think this is the first time somebody tried to steal her? She's a Classic.

Aziraphale  
Fair point. Although... did you... I mean... have you...

Crowley  
Just spit it out, angel.

Aziraphale  
Did you enchant her? With your demonic wiles, I mean?

Crowley  
Not intentionally, no. I think it's just long-time exposure. Just like with you and your bookshop: it knows that it’d better be dusty and smell moldy when customers come in and try to buy your precious books. The Bentley knows better than to let anybody steal her from me.

Aziraphale  
It does make sense, I guess. She has been exposed to your wiles for a long time.

Crowley  
Take a seat and get comfy then. I'll go get the snacks.

Aziraphale (audibly perks up)  
Snacks?

Crowley  
Yeah, I've got all your favorites, I think. Crisps, cranberry scones, nougat chocolat and even some salty crackers and cheese to go with the wine. Not the Ritz, but it should do for tonight. Oh, and popcorn. You can't get entertained properly without popcorn!

Aziraphale  
That sounds lovely, actually. Not my usual style, but why not? We're both free to do what we want now, right?

Crowley  
Exactly. Oh, they are early – you arrived just in time, angel. Pf, seriously. What kind of idiots are these humans? It’s way too early in the day to try and steal a Classic like the Bentley unnoticed.

Aziraphale  
These are the three gentlemen in question? Be a dear and pass me the crisps please.

Crowley  
Here you go. Yes. They've been operating for a while now around London. Their targets are usually classic cars that they repaint and sell to private collectors. It was just a matter of time until they'd set their eyes on the Bentley.

Aziraphale  
Crowley, did you actually set them up as entertainment for our date tonight?

Crowley  
...maybe. A little bit?

Aziraphale  
Crowley!

Crowley  
Oh come on, angel. Yes, I may or may not have asked for this particular Bentley model in the dark net as a potential customer... What’s the big deal? With me setting them up, I'll at least be able to stop her if she gets too vicious with them, right? Then they'll know better than to try and mess with her when I'm not around...

Aziraphale  
Wily Serpent.

Crowley  
I promise it'll be fun. She gets so creative in dealing with thiefs, it's quite impressive actually.

Aziraphale  
Well, that doesn't surprise me. She is your car, my dear. Of course she’s got an imagination.

Crowley  
Oh look, they are trying to open the doors.

Aziraphale  
Did you actually leave a gap in the window for them to try and use?

Crowley  
Nah. If the window is open, she opened it. She's obviously playing with them, giving them false opportunities.

Aziraphale  
...

Crowley  
What is it? You're giving me quite the weird look there, angel.

Azirapahle  
You actually sound like a proud parent right now. It caught me a bit off guard, I have to admit.

Crowley  
...

Aziraphale  
Yeah, I know... oh, ouch. That must have hurt getting their fingers clamped in the window like that.

Crowley  
Oh, an absolute classic for starters. I love how that guy in the baseball cap stumbled backwards and trampled on the grey hoodie guy. Hey, you going to share some of these crisps?

Aziraphale  
Maybe. They do taste delicious. Oh, another chain reaction. Why would the man in the grey hoodie attempt to repeat the same task as his accomplice? Didn't he see the man hurt his hand doing it? I mean doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result has been considered madness in the past.

Crowley  
Oh you know the type, angel. Those who always know better than everybody else. At least his reaction was funnier than baseball cap guys’.

Aziraphale  
I guess the hook to the chin for the man in the blue trousers did have some comedic potential.

Crowley  
Told you it would be fun.

Aziraphale  
Oh, what are they doing now? Is that a crowbar? How is it that these individuals carry crowbars around at this time of the day?

Crowley  
They are criminals, angels. I guess tools like that come in handy if you're making a living stealing cars and breaking into stores and private homes.  
Aziraphale  
I guess. It is still pretty early in the evening though. Are they not afraid... yes. Exactly of that.

>car alarm in the background<

Crowley  
Hahaha. Baseball Cap is still funnier than Grey Hoodie. Did you see how he stumbled over his own feet running away as the alarm went off?

Aziraphale  
Hey, what was that demonic miracle for. I thought you are not intervening with this?

Crowley  
Well, as much as I enjoy this show, I have no plans to deal with any other interference tonight. Anybody who tries to check on the alarm will instead decide to do something else they have wanted to do all day.

Aziraphale  
That sounds suspiciously like leading perfectly innocent people into sins to me. I thought no free agent work today? I am not in the mood for any thwarting tonight, you foul fiend.

Crowley  
Woah, angel. Calm down. I am not going to ruin our evening with any work, former or current. You have to admit though that as The Serpent of Eden giving people choices is my thing, isn’t it? Whether they decide to do something good or evil with it, is entirely up to them.

Aziraphale  
I guess that is true. Still, just for future reference, I have no intentions of spending time with you on a date, if you plan to spoil it with any kind of work - yours or mine.

Crowley  
Come on, angel. I apologized over and over for the disaster on our first date. There is no way I could have anticipated that my meddling with public transportation would escalate to our concert being cancelled. I mean, I even brought you your favorite cake as an apology.

Aziraphale  
That hardly counts as proper reparations for a ruined evening. Especially with something as delicate as a first date.

Crowley  
Every single day for over a month before you agreed on a second date. You promised, you wouldn’t bring it up again, you bassstard angel.

Aziraphale  
...oh well. I guess I could let it go. This time. Oh, look, they are back again.

Crowley  
Yeah, I thought they wouldn't be scared off by a tiny alarm like that. My offer was way too high.

Aziraphale  
And here we go with the repetitions again. If trying to open the door with the crowbar didn't work the first time, why try again?

Crowley  
It is funny though how they are running away again. Oh, but nobody stumbled this time, unfortunately. I am still hoping for a good old faceplant to the pavement for at least one of the buggers.

Aziraphale  
Can I get a refill please? Thank you my dear. Oh, and they try it a third time. They are truly not the most intelligent fellows, are they?

Crowley  
Nope. Look, even the Bentley got tired of chasing them around with the car sirens. Oh, okay. That must have hurt.

Aziraphale  
Quite courageous of her to hit the man with her passenger door like that. He was holding a crowbar after all. He could have scratched her finish.

Crowley  
No, she's too quick for that! See. Three hits in quick succession. Actually I should have set up the video camera. This really does have comedic value.

Aziraphale  
Oh, that's not very sporting to laugh at you accomplice like that for his unfortunate fate.

Crowley  
Apparently the Bentley thought so too.

Aziraphale  
Yes, now both are kneeling on the floor holding their sides. As if the door on the passenger side was any less dangerous. Oh what is the man with the baseball cap doing now? Oh. That was not very intelligent. And probably quite painful.

Crowley  
Yeah, not his brightest idea to try the boot. The door has a much better angle to hit his face.

Aziraphale  
Indeed. Bloody noses do tend to create quite a mess. I hope he'll be able to get rid of the blood stains in his clothing.

Crowley  
Oy. These are really persistent buggers though, aren't they?

Aziraphale  
I wonder. Oh. I see. I guess that answers the question. I think I'm ready for some crackers with cheese now, my dear.

Crowley  
I can't believe they are still trying to open the doors. At least they are sensible enough to not use the crowbar again.

Aziraphale  
One would think that they would find it a bit spooky that the car was moving back and forth like that without any actual driver in it. It would certainly scare me off in their position.

Crowley  
At this point it's just damaged burglar's pride if you ask me. Oh, it looks like she's finally had enough of their amateur attempts to steal her. She's chasing them away.

Aziraphale  
Oh, that looked quite heroic how the man with the baseball cap jumped on her hood to avoid her crashing into him. She's not going to truly hurt them, is she?

Crowley  
No, she knows better than to disappoint me like that.

Aziraphale  
Aren't you worried that she'll run away one day?

Crowley  
Why would she? I get to ride around with her instead of some stupid horse and she gets a mind of her own and is fed with fresh tapes that she can convert into Queen's Greatest Hits anytime she fancies. We have a deal.

Aziraphale  
Are you telling me you have an... arrangement with your car, Crowley?

Crowley  
Uh... kinda? Maybe.... No definitely not. I do NOT have an arrangement with my car. That would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?

Aziraphale  
And highly inappropriate, as we are currently trying to deepen our current... arrangement.

Crowley  
Love it when you get all jealous.

Aziraphale  
Hand me some more of these crackers and I might forgive you.

Crowley  
So... did you like our date?

Aziraphale  
I guess I must give you points for originality. Also, the snacks were indeed tasty and appropriate for the situation and it is still early enough to go upstairs to the roof terrace and watch the rest of the sunset.

Crowley  
So this does qualify as a successful third date?

Aziraphale  
I think so, yes. I think I could even be convinced to try a kiss on our official third... mmmpf.

The end

...

 **Music:**  
[Bad Guys](https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/aa-sea/bad-guys-id-1333) by Lobo Loco  
From the Free Music Archive  
[CC BY-NC-SA 4.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/)

 **Sounds:**  
[snap_3](https://freesound.org/people/Snapper4298/sounds/177494/) by Snapper4298  
From Freesound.com  
[CC BY 3.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)  
[Doorbell A](https://freesound.org/people/kwahmah_02/sounds/275072/) by kwahmah_02  
From Freesound.com  
[CC BY 3.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)  
[Eating Chips](https://freesound.org/people/EminYILDIRIM/sounds/536078/) by EminYILDIRIM  
From Freesound.com  
[CC BY 3.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)  
[ From Freesound.com  
](https://freesound.org/people/Lutana/sounds/347748/)[CC BY 3.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)  
[Car Alarm, Distant A](https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/422051/) by InspectorJ  
From Freesound.com  
[CC BY 3.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/)

**Author & Editor:**  
[Djapchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan)

**Cover Art:**  
[TheLordOfLaMancha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLordOfLaMancha/pseuds/TheLordOfLaMancha)


End file.
